Monday, September 19, 2011

Having an off day....

Not having a good day I guess you can say...

I am constantly upset and feel like I could cry any second of the day. I randomly start tearing up just thinking about how my life has not turned out the way I wanted it too. I had so many dreams for myself and I feel like I should just toss them into the trash.

I was working at Lambert's Coffee and it was not working out.... not enough hours, not enough respect.

Now I have an even more god awful job working at a water pump company.... doing data entry.... the only upside is that I get paid very well. Which is great. I can save up money and move away.

I should be thankful that my mom and stepdad let me live under their roof but I feel like they just want me to have a job whether I am happy or not.

It sucks a lot and I feel like there is this huge hole in my heart. I did not even want this job at the water pump company. I get confused everyday and people get tired of me messing up and asking a lot of questions. Oh well.

I sit at work and I think of how lucky some people are. They have the job they always dreamed of. I feel like for some people it comes so easy. I know there are people who work extremely hard to get where they are today. I totally respect that.

I need guidance. I have none. I do not even know where to start or how to find a job doing what I want to. I don't have the most impressive resume but I do have some internships.

I don't know. I apologize for the emo blog. I am just really upset, stressed, and tired. It's such a busy week with my mom and stepdad being out of town.

Update- 3/6/12
I was let go at the Water Pump Company because I was asking too many questions and I was clocking in too early(apparently you can get in trouble for that) and was late 1 day but whatever. I can't help my first week I was hardly trained then the second week my boss was on vacation and I was left with no clue. They were so rude to me. I did not care. The joys of temp jobs.

Friday, July 1, 2011


Well to whoever is reading this blog, I finally got a job!!! Yes a miracle has happened! I am super excited about it and I will tell you a little bit about the company and what I will be doing.

I am working at Lambert's Coffee which sells coffee to businesses, restaurants, gas stations, etc. They have been in Memphis for about 40 years. I am working with the Ugly Mug Coffee which Lambert's bought two years ago. Ugly Mug sells online and they do fundraising for schools, churches, and other organizations.

I will be in charge of the fundraising and working as a liason between the company and the fundraising chair.

I have been training all week and learning a lot. It seems a little overwhelming right now but I know I will get the hang of it. I am very excited and feel very passionate about the cause and everything. Cause not only is it helping the schools and churches raise money for themselves but it also helps the small farming families from which Ugly Mug gets their coffee.

I mean I would have rather had this in grade school than selling wrapping paper and other useless junk.

I hope I can bring in a lot of new clients and keep the old to make Ugly Mug very successful. I hope I stay at this job for awhile. Well I see myself staying here for at least 2 years or so. I know shocking I am going to be staying in Memphis. I do not plan to stay here the rest of my life but it is a great starting place.

Oh and also the people who work here are so nice! I know I am the youngest person here and I was a little intimidated at first but they are so helpful and kind. I especially love Gloria and Phyillis. They are the administrative assistants.

Well thats all for now. I am going to organize my office. Slow day.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

My Mother

So I thought I would do a blog post about my mother, my inspiration in my life. If you know me, you know that I love my momma (aka "Princess Deb") yes.... my mother thinks she is a princess but I guess she is!

My mother is probably the strongest person I know in my life. She has always been there for me from when I was a bratty 3 year old to an angsty teenager. She put up with me and I thank her for that.

She's been through a lot in her life. She has raised three children to do great things, i think my 2 brothers and I turned out pretty well. We were never really out of control (I'm sure she begs to differ) but we always had a good head on our shoulders.

From earlier on, my mom raised us on her own. She worked long hours to keep us in good schools and to give us the things we wanted. I never went without. No matter how hard she worked, she never really complained because she loved her children. Even when my father pretty much abandoned us a long time ago she, with the help of my grandparents, took care of us.

Fast track to my sophomore year of high school... she meets the love of her life, my now stepdad Lyn. Saying Lyn was a blessing to our family is an understatement. He without hesitation took us all in and cared for us. He loves my mother and treats her like a princess she deserves to be. Along with him came my amazing step family. I almost don't like saying step family because they are so much more than that to me.

So my mom last July about a week before I was going to move back to Starkville for my senior year had to go to the hospital for surgery. She was getting hernia surgery which usually takes about 45 mins. My stepdad was keeping me updated and everything and I hadn't heard back til 2.5 hours later she was out of surgery. I was glad she was out and ok but come to find out they found a 9lb. tumor on her ovary during surgery and had to remove it and her ovaries. I was freaking out but the doctors thought it was benign. They actually sent the tumor off to Harvard medical to examine it.

Come to find out later there was some cancerous cells in the tumor. The night I found out I was a wreck. I cried and cried. I was scared for my mother. That c-word, cancer, is literally the scariest word ever. To hear my mother had a cancerous tumor was enough for me.

Luckily they got it out early but they still wanted her to go through chemo as a precaution to make sure there was nothing left in her body.

She went through four rounds of chemo from October to January, if I am not mistaken. It was hard to see my mom in a weak stage. Someone who never shows weakness. I remember coming home for thanksgiving break and seeing my mom without hair. She was still the most beautiful thing in the entire world but I hated seeing her sick.

During christmas break I took her to all her chemo treatments and we had fun days. I would get us lunch and we would joke around. She always kept good spirits during this time. The nurses loved my momma and I loved the nurses too! Nurse Betty was my favorite. I actually miss seeing her!

Then mom was done and we were so happy. She actually wore her tiara and a nice dress to her last treatment. Thats my mom for you.

She started getting a little sick but then she got better and today I am happy to say SHE IS CANCER FREE! Saying that makes me so happy. To think if anything bad ever happened to my mom just breaks my heart into a million pieces.

Well my mom made it through and she is as happy as can be. Funny story, the day of my graduation she along with my stepdad and two brothers came into Starkville for the day. I drove myself and I had my purse. Well I couldn't walk with it so I was calling to her so I could give it to her. She had just walked into the coliseum. I found her and within half a second she just started balling her eyes out. I was in my cap and gown. She was so proud of me/ didn't think she would have been here for my graduation and just everything she had been through. It truly was a special moment. I make fun of her now but hands down that is my favorite memory of my mother and probably will be forever.

I love you mom and thank you for being my rock for the past 22 years.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Phase 1 complete

So it's super late and I should be asleep but I cannot help but think of how awesome my life is in so many ways that I take it for granted.

I have an amazing family. I always have. My two brothers mean the absolute world to me and they truly have my heart and sole. I have an amazing relationship with my mom and stepdad! My mom has been through so much with chemo treatments, etc and still holds her head high... Well I just admire her more than words can describe. My stepdad has been a great support and a million "thank you's" cannot cover how much I appreciate all that he has done for me. I even have a wonderful stepfamily, each and every one of them are so special to me. My mom's side of the family has been with me since birth and have always loved me no matter what... Even when I was a two year old yelling at my mother for bringing me the wrong pink shirt.

I have a wonderful group of friends. Let me start with a few individuals who have been with me for a very long time. I have been friends with these people since high school and to this day mean the world to me. With going to different colleges or traveling around the world, they are a constant in my life I would like to always have. In college I made friends like I never thought I would. Some are my sorority sisters, some are neighbors, and some are ones I met through so many different things.My friends are just too good to me! I hope they know that.

My Goals...
I have so many goals that I want to accomplish in my life. I will NEVER give up on them, even when it seems they won't happen... I know one day they will. I will move to NYC one day and be happy there in my nice upper east side penthouse (i dream big ok?)

But along with this happiness I know heartache... I had one of my closet friends turn their back on me when I needed them the most this year. It was a sad day. I didn't think I would ever move one. Sadly this has happened a few times in my life but from that came better friends and great times. This person was my everything. They were my shoulder to cry on and someone to laugh at me or let me laugh at them. I would have done anything for this person no matter what. I have finally come to terms with this and ready to move forward with my life. I wish them the best and nothing less. I will always love, care for, and cherish the memories of this person.

So in my road to discover I have realized I have to face my "demons" I guess you can say. Well I faced one tonight... letting go of someone who turned away from me a long time ago.

 I am embarking on this journey that I have no idea what will happen next, but I am so so so excited! From here on out I will live a healthy positive life!

....oh yeah still trying to find a job... hopefully by the end of this week!

Thursday, May 26, 2011


What is a dream? Well a dream by definition is A series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep, A cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal, or An unrealistic or self-deluding fantasy. To me a dream is so much more than that. Dreams can keep you going when you feel there is no reason to continue. Its the fire inside that continues to burn.

Well I have dreams, big dreams. I want to move to New York. Damnit one day I am going to. I do not care what it takes! I just want to make a difference in this world and find my passion and purpose. I would love to work at some huge PR firm, hell thats what I got my degree for. But I also want to be a star.

If you know me, you know I love to make people laugh and I can act out all the time. Being the center of attention has always been a hobby of mine (kidding). But I do I want to be famous. I want people to know me and who I am. I want to affect the lives of those around me. I do not care if its one person or a million people.

I was watching Oprah's last episode today (until the last 5 minutes were interupted by the weather man....hey that tornado never came!). I feel like she was really talking to me. Now let it be known Oprah is on a completely different level than everyone. She's Oprah, need I say more?

"Nobody but you is responsible for your life. You are responsible for your life. What is your life? What is all life? What is every flower, every rock, every tree? Energy. And you're responsible for the energy you create for yourself, and you're responsible for the energy that you bring to others"

She also talked about passion. It could be anything from training dogs to being a big time tv host.

I know mine has something to do with helping people. I have always said, since I can remember, when I die, I want people to remember me and think... wow you know Kelly did a lot while she was here and she has inspired me and now I want to live my life the way God has planned for me.

So from here on out... whether I have to work as a waitress or cashier... I am going to do whatever it takes to get my ass to new york and live my dreams.

oh yeah... I would also really enjoy meeting Lady Gaga one day. I think she is the shit!!!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Well I am Jumping on the bandwagon

So.... I decided to start a blog. Why you ask? Well I just recently graduated college from Mississippi State with a Bachelors degree in Communication with a concentration in Public Relations.

So you may ask....what will I do with my degree? Well I want to work at some well known public relations firm in the big city of New York City.

Am I doing that? No I am at home sitting and wishing something will come to me.

I thought why not start a blog on my journey into finding my purpose in life. I may turn out and help others along the way. I dunno. We shall see.

Stay tuned in the life of a recent graduate.