Saturday, June 11, 2011

My Mother

So I thought I would do a blog post about my mother, my inspiration in my life. If you know me, you know that I love my momma (aka "Princess Deb") yes.... my mother thinks she is a princess but I guess she is!

My mother is probably the strongest person I know in my life. She has always been there for me from when I was a bratty 3 year old to an angsty teenager. She put up with me and I thank her for that.

She's been through a lot in her life. She has raised three children to do great things, i think my 2 brothers and I turned out pretty well. We were never really out of control (I'm sure she begs to differ) but we always had a good head on our shoulders.

From earlier on, my mom raised us on her own. She worked long hours to keep us in good schools and to give us the things we wanted. I never went without. No matter how hard she worked, she never really complained because she loved her children. Even when my father pretty much abandoned us a long time ago she, with the help of my grandparents, took care of us.

Fast track to my sophomore year of high school... she meets the love of her life, my now stepdad Lyn. Saying Lyn was a blessing to our family is an understatement. He without hesitation took us all in and cared for us. He loves my mother and treats her like a princess she deserves to be. Along with him came my amazing step family. I almost don't like saying step family because they are so much more than that to me.

So my mom last July about a week before I was going to move back to Starkville for my senior year had to go to the hospital for surgery. She was getting hernia surgery which usually takes about 45 mins. My stepdad was keeping me updated and everything and I hadn't heard back til 2.5 hours later she was out of surgery. I was glad she was out and ok but come to find out they found a 9lb. tumor on her ovary during surgery and had to remove it and her ovaries. I was freaking out but the doctors thought it was benign. They actually sent the tumor off to Harvard medical to examine it.

Come to find out later there was some cancerous cells in the tumor. The night I found out I was a wreck. I cried and cried. I was scared for my mother. That c-word, cancer, is literally the scariest word ever. To hear my mother had a cancerous tumor was enough for me.

Luckily they got it out early but they still wanted her to go through chemo as a precaution to make sure there was nothing left in her body.

She went through four rounds of chemo from October to January, if I am not mistaken. It was hard to see my mom in a weak stage. Someone who never shows weakness. I remember coming home for thanksgiving break and seeing my mom without hair. She was still the most beautiful thing in the entire world but I hated seeing her sick.

During christmas break I took her to all her chemo treatments and we had fun days. I would get us lunch and we would joke around. She always kept good spirits during this time. The nurses loved my momma and I loved the nurses too! Nurse Betty was my favorite. I actually miss seeing her!

Then mom was done and we were so happy. She actually wore her tiara and a nice dress to her last treatment. Thats my mom for you.

She started getting a little sick but then she got better and today I am happy to say SHE IS CANCER FREE! Saying that makes me so happy. To think if anything bad ever happened to my mom just breaks my heart into a million pieces.

Well my mom made it through and she is as happy as can be. Funny story, the day of my graduation she along with my stepdad and two brothers came into Starkville for the day. I drove myself and I had my purse. Well I couldn't walk with it so I was calling to her so I could give it to her. She had just walked into the coliseum. I found her and within half a second she just started balling her eyes out. I was in my cap and gown. She was so proud of me/ didn't think she would have been here for my graduation and just everything she had been through. It truly was a special moment. I make fun of her now but hands down that is my favorite memory of my mother and probably will be forever.

I love you mom and thank you for being my rock for the past 22 years.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Phase 1 complete

So it's super late and I should be asleep but I cannot help but think of how awesome my life is in so many ways that I take it for granted.

I have an amazing family. I always have. My two brothers mean the absolute world to me and they truly have my heart and sole. I have an amazing relationship with my mom and stepdad! My mom has been through so much with chemo treatments, etc and still holds her head high... Well I just admire her more than words can describe. My stepdad has been a great support and a million "thank you's" cannot cover how much I appreciate all that he has done for me. I even have a wonderful stepfamily, each and every one of them are so special to me. My mom's side of the family has been with me since birth and have always loved me no matter what... Even when I was a two year old yelling at my mother for bringing me the wrong pink shirt.

I have a wonderful group of friends. Let me start with a few individuals who have been with me for a very long time. I have been friends with these people since high school and to this day mean the world to me. With going to different colleges or traveling around the world, they are a constant in my life I would like to always have. In college I made friends like I never thought I would. Some are my sorority sisters, some are neighbors, and some are ones I met through so many different things.My friends are just too good to me! I hope they know that.

My Goals...
I have so many goals that I want to accomplish in my life. I will NEVER give up on them, even when it seems they won't happen... I know one day they will. I will move to NYC one day and be happy there in my nice upper east side penthouse (i dream big ok?)

But along with this happiness I know heartache... I had one of my closet friends turn their back on me when I needed them the most this year. It was a sad day. I didn't think I would ever move one. Sadly this has happened a few times in my life but from that came better friends and great times. This person was my everything. They were my shoulder to cry on and someone to laugh at me or let me laugh at them. I would have done anything for this person no matter what. I have finally come to terms with this and ready to move forward with my life. I wish them the best and nothing less. I will always love, care for, and cherish the memories of this person.

So in my road to discover I have realized I have to face my "demons" I guess you can say. Well I faced one tonight... letting go of someone who turned away from me a long time ago.

 I am embarking on this journey that I have no idea what will happen next, but I am so so so excited! From here on out I will live a healthy positive life!

....oh yeah still trying to find a job... hopefully by the end of this week!